right here. right now.

I moved to Spokane for one sole reason.

My kids.

The trip to see their dad in PF, Idaho was around 3 hours one way. Each and every weekend, we made the trek to the midway meeting point where they would go spend maybe 35 hours with their dad. It took it's toll.

So, I moved. I had a really great job. I was making a life for myself in Omak...in spite of being a city girl at heart, I really loved the rural area. Not to mention all the family that lived less than an hour away in every direction!

I don't know why I did it sometimes. I find myself now unemployed in a big bustling city that I love, but poor as Job's turkey. lol. It's hard to reckon that I'm cut out to be a leader of any kind, or if I should even be entrusted with three fantastic awesome children.

I fear failure on any good day. On the worst days, it's almost crippling. Right now, I'm terrified that I can't do this. That I'm not good enough.

I know the Lord gives us strength. I know He is the author and finisher of my faith. But dude. seriously. Seriously. I need Him to be a physical answer right now...and it's like He's no where. I'm not saying I don't trust God, nor am I saying I don't believe He is going to get me out of this..or see me through it..however y'all want to say it.

I'm just testifying that only God can fix this, because there's no other way human possible. So stay tuned.