amazed at how stupidly prideful you still seem to be

Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Proverbs 31:30 NLT

I still shake my head sometimes at how stupid some of my past is.
Blind.
Arrogant.
Together. (or they think they are.)
More blind.

I've made many mistakes in my short career as a human. So many I can't begin to name them all...moreover cannot ever begin to cast a stone in any direction.
Sheepish is how I feel when I see people I know living in sin, walking uprightly 'with arrogance' and hiding behind their churches, Jesus shoes and shiny steeples. I shouldn't be surprised...or proud.

I'm frightened. I guess it's because so many times in these past few years, I have visited darkness. I've had demons and devils minister to my heart. (Yes, I believe Christians can be influenced by demons.)
It scares me to think about...being a FAKER again. Hiding behind my own ideals of self righteousness and churchy wisdom.
I want to question EVERYTHING.
I want to test,
I want to try,
I want to pray,
I want to cry...
Because I remember the dark. I remember being blind to who/what I was.

It makes me fearful of what times we live in.
When most "christians" aren't real christ followers. They are followers of themselves. They idolize who they "think" they are in Christ. How righteous they might appear in their blog, on their myspace or their facebook.

I worry for my soul.
My fragile heart.
I know there is wickedness in me.
Redeemed is my song.
Failure is my shadow.

So I search my heart.
I pray for my friends.
I pray for my enemies.
I wonder what this world will look like for my children.
When wolves don't look like wolves.

The stain-glass masquerade is the new parade.

The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7 NLT